Talk about causing a stir - I'd dare to say that there hasn't been as much stirring (or whisking) going on since the Angel Delight (or Instant Whip if your parents were cheapskates)-obsessed days of the early to mid 80s. I'm talking, of course, about the Tempus Fugit restaurant reviews. And I don't just mean from official 'friend of the blog', Dr Timothy 'Dr Hilary' Bennett, either. Well actually I do. Anyway, to save a bit of grafting on my part, and, more importantly, to give me an excuse to use this cool photo, I thought I'd give you a few more of my guaranteed-to-be-amazing eatery suggestions, dans small size. There may well be a full-blown Tempus update soon, so watch out for that.
Tres expensif - Gleneagles Hotel & General Country Fancy Place, Gleneagles, Perthshire www.gleneagles.com
Watch out on those cycle paths! No, seriously, do watch out because I hear they can be treacherous, especially with diplomats around. Otherwise, fill your boots with great grub in this palatial Scottish paradise (as 'Graham' from Blind Date may well have said). Afternoon tea is up there with the Old Course Hotel, St Andrews and a few other less well-known but far better places as amongst the best in Scotland. It’s bloomin’ top notch nosh, but at around £20 quid (price varies depending on where in the hotel you take it) you will definitely want to take an empty stomach, and to fill up your belly with at least a week’s supply of sandwiches and cakes. Otherwise, Andrew Fairlie’s reputation precedes him but someone else will have to be paying, The Strathearn seems at first to be as stuffy as a morgue in a heatwave but actually isn’t that bad (there are too many Americans for them to get away with that) and the Club is great fun but maybe not special enough for a day trip. Actually, forget that – the village of Gleneagles and its surrounding countryside is so picturesque that it would be worth coming here just to get a double whopper meal (maybe not a single whopper meal… it’s immaterial though as there isn’t a Burger King around for miles). Anyway, just get yourself up here and enjoy the lovely part of Scotland, any further up the A9/M90 and everything just gets a bit too barren (sorry cheuchters).
Tres tres reasonable - Yen Rotunda, Glasgow www.yenrotunda.com
Ok, let's be realistic. You’re not going to traipse across to the recorded birthplace of 'Rowdy' Roddy Piper just to visit this place. Indifferent grief, you wouldn't even do it if it actually was Rowdy Roddy's place of birth (shattering illusions is Indexing's business, I'm afraid - 'Hot Rod' was born in Saskatoon and raised in Winnipeg. His actual name was Roderick George Toombs as well). However, should you ever be attending something at the SECC (Journey are there early in March FYI, with Michael Bolton stealing hearts later the same month), then I'd beseech you to give it a shot.
From the outside, it doesn't look all that great (it actually says 'Casino' in neon lights, although why I have not a clue), although the actual history of the building is really interesting. Inside, though, the place is as smart as a parrot in a tuxedo. Downstairs and it's teppanyaki (lots of fun in a big group, not really pre-show fare) but upstairs it's a really nice oriental dining hall with a great menu, and typically lightening-fast oriental service, albeit a bit classier than you may be expecting (dress code is no problem though - when I go there's always lots of people in Yes or Pink Floyd T-shirts, depending on the occasion. Sometimes 'Scottish Job Fair’ shirts too, more depressingly). Best thing about this place? The menu has a Japanese section, a Cantonese section, and a Thai section. So you have the option to look cool and sophisticated should the situation require it (early date etc). Or you can just get sweet and sour chicken balls and chips. The decision... is yours (for those who pay attention to what they're reading).
Tres fair enough - Crab Sandwich, Holy Island, Lindisfarne (no website - it's just some woman in her kitchen)
Is there anything more middle class than a day trip to Lindisfarne? Well, if there is, let me know, because although I don’t often use the word ‘rather’ in casual conversation, I do have a travel rug and a Volkswagen golf umbrella ready and waiting. All I know is, despite not actually having a soul, or even a personality of any kind, the Passat intuitively felt right at home as it crossed over to the island, kind of like D.A.R.Y.L did even though he wasn’t technically a real boy. It really is a great place to visit though. History literally seeps out of every pore (insert appropriate simile here, I was thinking fast food restaurant staff but you can maybe come up with better), and there's so much to see that the normally tortuous act of walking actually becomes almost pleasant, albeit fleetingly.
It's also a bit of a rip-off merchant's paradise, especially when it comes to grub (I’m not paying Jersey prices for a poncy tidal island), so keep up with the Jones' and bring a thermos and fancy lunch box (I suppose your old yellow He-Man lunchbox would do, but you'll be surprised at just how small it looks now), and then head over in the direction of the castle. Before you reach the harbour, the last house on your left will have an open back door. Make an exclamation of some kind. With any luck, a little old lady will come out, and in exchange for about a pound, give you a sandwich positively filled to bursting with fresh crab meat. Now, I'll be honest here - I haven't eaten one of these in my life because I find the mere thought of them repugnant, and because I generally stick to the rule that if it isn't battered or smoked, it should be thrown back into the sea. However, far be it from me to let me own prejudices influence Tempus. If you like seafood at all, I am certain you will absolutely love these things, and in terms of value for money it's surely the best deal in Britain. Mentions honorables (honourable mentions)
The Rocks, Dunbar, East Lothian http://experiencetherocks.co.uk
Dunbar is another great place for a day trip, (especially as it's only £2 return on the aforementioned Megatrain - all you 'I don't have a car' bleaters really have no excuse). It's a real old coastal town, and the influence of Oliver Cromwell - now there's a man worthy of his own blog post - can still be keenly felt (ie a lot of the place is in ruins). It has a couple of golf courses which are, unusually, great for strolls (especially the West course which forms part of the cliff-top walkway) and, appropriately, being home to John Muir, has a fantastic country park too. The best thing is, it has some great places to munch, with one of them being this place. It maybe isn't quite as 'homely' as the Open Arms at Dirleton (that figures I suppose) but it has its own atmos and also features some great grub, albeit without the great deals of some other places. A guy at my work who lives in Dunbar also highly recommends one of the town's chippies, and I have no reason to doubt him on that, although I know not of which one he refers to. I’m sure you could have great fun trying to work it out though.
Ye Olde Peacock Inn, Newhaven, Edinburgh (no website, silly - what part of 'Ye Olde' do you not understand?)
This place is already something of an institution at Carrubbers, a status owed in no small part to the far-reaching influence of the wider Warden clan. Basically, this place is one of a kind, a trip back in time via the number 11 bus. Well, at least a trip to a time where massive fishes were caught and immediately battered and served to hungry patrons like us, probably not actually a time any of our ancestry ever lived through. Mind you, it would explain why our fishing stocks are supposedly in such crisis. Anyway, I hear that their other dishes are pretty good, but in my mind to ask for anything other than fish de massive dans batter avec rubbish frozen chips in a bowl cause le fish fills le plate is utter madness bordering on blasphemy (not really, touchy).
Not to worry, though, the elderly clientele who fill this place every single day (so, as I've said before, you know it's good) know the score and stick to their fish tea - actually, I sometimes wonder whether half the things on the menu even actually exist, or whether the requesting of, say, cajun chicken, requires a hasty dash to the local Scotmid. Anyway, the fish is just amazing, and call me an old fashioned dinosaur if you want, but the fact that there still exists a 'ladies portion' warms the cockles no end. Don't worry Germaine Greer - the ladies portion is still absolutely humongous, just a little smaller than the large portion. Of course, you folks being the discerning connoisseurs of fine cuisine that you are, will without hesitation plump for the 'whale', which is significantly more sizeable than both (but hilariously still comes with only one lemon segment with which to garnish - which, to put into some sort of perspective, is like being given one crayola crayon to re-paint the ceiling of the Sistene Chapel).go to main page
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