Ephesians 5:21-6:9 “The Gospel Lived Out: Marriage, Families and Work”
The last three weeks have considered how the gospel affects how we live the gospel in this world, with a particular focus on living in a way that pleases God in that vertical relationship we have. The focus this week is primarily horizontally focused on our relationships in the home and workplace. V.21 sets out the general principle for the Christian life which is that we are to submit to one another, that is to look to each other’s good and interests, rather than ourselves, in reverence to Jesus. He has set us free from our selfish old self, and given us a new self which is self-sacrificial in love as we seek to be incarnational in our gospel living.
1) The Gospel Shaped Marriage (v.22-33)
*It is crucial to see that every time Paul says that a husband or wife should do something in such a way, it is always followed up by saying: “as to the Lord” (v.22), “even as Christ” (v.23), “submits to Christ, so also…” (v.24), “as Christ” (v.25), “in the same way” (v.28), “just as Christ” (v.29), “refers to Christ and the church” (v.32). It is as John Piper says in his book “This Momentary Marriage: A Parable of Permanence” the purpose of the marriage relationship in this life is not to stay in love; rather it is to put on display God’s love and covenant faithfulness to the world. This has always been the purpose of marriage, but it was something hidden in the Old Testament only to be fully revealed in the New, thus why Paul says (quoting Genesis) the one flesh union of man and wife is a “mystery” (v.31-32).
A) Picture for wives:
• submits to her husband as a picture of how the church submits to Christ. The church lovingly and willingly submits to Christ, because of the incredible love and care He has shown her in His self-sacrificial offering of His life so she might have life. Likewise a wife is to love her husband and willingly submit to him as he seeks to care for her and lead.
• Submitting also involves submitting to authority, because Jesus has authority over His church. The husband’s authority comes from Christ and is “in everything” (v.24) [in fuller context of scripture and pastorally-minded, provided it is not contrary to scripture, violating her God-given conscience, or leading to sin]. The husband is given a God-given responsibility as her “head” – just as Christ is the head of the church (v.23). This does not mean a dictatorship, but rather than he has the primary responsibility to protect, provide and lead the relationship according to God’s will – just as Adam did in the original creation *this is a principle of creation, not a matter of culture! (See 1 Corinthians 14 for more on this)
• Stott’s commentary says: “whenever the husband’s headship mirrors the headship of Christ, then the wife’s submission to the protection and provision of his love, far from detracting from her womanhood, will positively enrich it”.
B)Picture for husbands:
• is to self-sacrificially love his wife as Christ has given up Himself for the church (a very high calling and demanding responsibility men!) (v.25).
• this works out as having initiative (not necessarily doing everything all the time though), as the head has the initiative that causes and leads the rest of the body to respond and act.
• This also works out as leading spiritually so that he is involved in his wife’s sanctification by seeking to lead them both before the Lord in prayer, scripture study (v.26) and serving in the church. Husbands are stewards of their wives; who ultimately are the bride of Christ. Husbands are part of Christ’s means of working through the Holy Spirit, so that He might present the church and wives to His father as holy and blameless (v.27).
• Another call against ill treatment, dictatorship or despising his wife is the saying that we are to nourish and cherish (v.29) our wives as we do our own bodies (v.28), for this is a very practical illustration to us to show us the very minimum of what our self-sacrificial loving authority is to be like
*A really helpful observation shared in the group was that this picture of marriage makes the temptation to go out with a non-Christian fade away, because this picture is only possible between two followers of Jesus.
*It was also remarked that given the seriousness of marriage and relationships, it is not something to worry about being single and not being in a relationship as that gives time for undivided service of the Lord
So these two pictures are reciprocal, the husband initiates the sacrificial love and the wife responds in love and submission.
2) The Gospel Shaped Family (v.1-4)
There is another reciprocal picture here: children have the duty to obey their parents (v.1), which means the parents have the right to expect obedience. But parents have the responsibility not to provoke their children to wrath (v.4), which gives the children a right to be well treated.
It is said bluntly and simply: “for this is right” (v.1), which then is expanded by saying it is one of the Ten Commandments (v.2-3)– since these are given by God as His intended order for life in this world then it can be simply stated as being right, for God is perfectly righteous and so is His law.
The gospel motivation here is that Jesus was entirely obedient to the will of His Father in going to the Cross, even when it was hardest in Gethsemane he said: “Not my will, but thine be done”. So we are to be obedient like Jesus. Also in His earthly life He was obedient and honoured His parents in all times – even when He ran off to the Temple at the age of 12 He honoured and respected His parents when they found Him and were annoyed at Him for scaring them. Even though He was right to be in His Father’s house, He did address His parents with respect and obeyed them by going home at that time. Likewise the gospel motivation for parents is the patient, forbearing love of the Father who overlooked the past sins in patience waiting to deal with them on the Cross – His grace is immense when we consider that we all deserved to perish with Adam and Eve without ever being born.
How this works out in a non-Christian context is more difficult, because this teaching is to Christians who are called to live according to the gospel. Do we have to always obey our parents if they command us not to attend church? Not to read our Bibles or pray? Again this is a situation where our allegiance is always to be to God first. However, how that allegiance works out depends on factors of age and circumstances we concluded. So as John Stott suggests a young child ordered not to go to church might need to obey that command until they reach the age of majority, but they cannot accept an order not to pray or read their Bible. *Although as stated this is not the final word and each situation must be approached individually.
Also we concluded that age does not change the fact that we are to always honour our parents, as the commandment says. This involves more than obedience, it involves including them in our decision processes, looking for their input, caring for them in old age, supporting them financially, giving them love and encouragement as they have given so much to us. Also in unbelieving families it means loving them so much that we battle through the difficulties to share with them the gospel so their souls may be saved.
3) The Gospel Shaped Workplace (v.5-9)
Finally another reciprocal relationship is to be found in the workplace: the worker (slave here or servant, although not the doulos, as here is pictured slaves who have limited rights and some pay, and also the hope of being released from their slavery) is under a duty to serve their master, but the master has the duty to treat their workers properly and kindly (v.5, 9)
The worker is not just to perform when being watched by their master or just to please people half-hearted. The master is not to be cruel imagining that their special position of authority and wealth gives them any right or power to do what they wish with their servants. The gospel motivation for both is that the worker is to remember they are under the watchful eye of Christ in their work, and that they are to remember they are rendering their services to Him. So they ought to seek to please Him from their hearts by doing their best. This also will potentially have the effect that people will see the hardwork and dedication of Christians in their work, and think well of Christ and the gospel as they think that there is more to faith than they imagined if we are just as conscientious in our studies and serving for the gospel. *Our workplaces are incredible places for living out the gospel.
The master also has to remember that while they are in control now, they ultimately must face the king of kings and answer for all they have done, and He will show no partiality.
So our whole working lives should not be seen as inferior to church or gospel ministry, rather our workplaces are a place for gospel ministry (not just in our conversations but in our very work itself, for we will be but hypocrites if the standard of our work does not measure up to our talk).
In application, we concluded that most of us are not in Christian workplaces, but even though we cannot control others or make them live up to these ideals we can do our bit, according to the purpose and plan of God trusting He will bless it, and it will make some difference and bring in the gospel’s salt and light.
